Isn't this the case for most all parents?? We are scared we will mess everything up because we will inevitably scar the minds of our children forever ?
Parenting itself is hard.? Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever had..I find I begin doubting myself as a mother. ? Parenting brings so many responsibilities – raising another human being to become something great, something amazing.?? Then there are the dark questions you begin to ask yourself, ?What am I doing?? Am I doing this right?? Is my method of raising my kid good compared to others? The doubt takes over, and you worry you are screwing everything up.? Motherhood is all about striking a fine balance between to-dos and not to-dos with wisdom and intelligent that you never knew existed.
No matter where you are, at the beginning of your motherhood or middle or roughtly the end of it, your self-doubt keep talking with you like THE BAD guy, like the DRAGON with their FIRE blowing ( your self-doubt)
According to a research, seventy five percent of the time a woman’s self doubt is born during or before adolescence. So it begins very early on. It’s not as though becoming a mother all the sudden makes you doubt yourself. That’s not the way it works. It’s very likely that something happened in your teenage years that cut you hard, hurt you deep and really gave your self-esteem a kick in the stomach.
It can be brought on from horrific events like abuse and neglect, but it also can be brought on by very small slights. Someone made fun of you when you were in third grade because you pronounced a wrong world or in high school, you know, your first love broke up with you. But most people, when we talk about that, can recall pretty quickly, at least the time period in their life.
That's why today I will introduce 5R Method : RELECT, REFRAME, REPLACE, REPEAT and RELEASE to help you release your self-doubt and feel the wholeness of your value.
1. REFLECT : Who shaped your critical voice?
Take a moment to reflect on and identify any people or events that may create the internalized critical voice that you hear in your head. Think back to situations that might have stood out as defining moments in your development. For instance, I just reflected back some critical events with my old boss that he has told me like: '' You will be never successful in any career in future'' . Unconciously whenever I get through hard time in my career path, I always reflected to this sentence and though that, maybe he is right...
Or often in families, some passed-on myths, beliefs, and mottos can be harmful even when they're meant to encourage in our family.
What to do:
Become an observer of what your critical voice is telling you. Notice how a thought is just a thought- nothing more, nothing less. Observe and notice your negative or self-doubt thoughts, without judment, changing or fixing them.. Would love to learn more about how to stay mindful and present for this tough moments. More to read about 3B for Mindful Mom here.
2. REFRAME: Then after observing, do this REFRAME technique.
It is a technique to help someone try to look at their situation differently. This technique helps adjust negative interpretations of events to find a positive spin. Here are some examples of situations that could use some reframing. Try it on yourself and see what it's like: Example: This event is too hard. Reframe: I am learning to keep going even when it's hard Or I never get to do what I want. Reframe: I am doing step by step to reach what I want. Find more motivation on this journal workbook
Give yourself grace when you make a mistake, when your self-doubt is raising. Everybody makes mistakes. And instead of yelling at yourself and beating yourself up, chalk it up to the fact that you’re new at whatever you’re going through right now. Take a deep beath, observe and REFRAME the thoughts.
Most worry thoughts begin with the words '' What if''. Self-doubt presents us with similar beliefs. What if I look stupid? What if I don't get the job? What if my baby get sick? The next time you catch yourself thinking : '' What if''', try to complete ( REPLACE) the sentence with the opposite of your fear: If you struggle to believe the complete opposite, try to at least find a neutral response. Link to download small workbook here.
Sometimes we might hear or say encouraging and helpful things to ourselves, but still have hard time believing they are true. We might even know them in our heads, but not connect with them in our hearts. REPEATING is the key, repeat positive mantras or phrases aloud until they become your internal voice, repeat it to yourself as you take a walk or in the morning for 10 minutes.
Find more about affirmation sentence on this workbook. Link to download small workbook here.
5. RELEASE : Inhale Confidence, RELEASE Self-Doubt
Deep breathing, paired with one or two words, provides a powerful way to center and become grounded. As you breath in, pick a word or two words that represent how you would like to feel about yourself. Perhaps it is '' Confidence'', ''I've got this''
As your exhale, RELEASE all self-doubt and insecurities.
Now let's get started:
Take a deep inhale through your nose or mouth for a count of 4 seconds, filling your belly and then chest with air
Hold your breath for a count of 4 seconds.
Slowly exhale through the mouth for a count of 4 seconds.
Repeat this exercise for a minute or for as long as you feel comfortable.
Motherhood and parenting journey may be tough but it is full of Bliss and Joy. I just want you to know that you're not alone, join our community with like-minded mother to ease your motherhood journey