Updated: Aug 26, 2021
You remember the days…
You watched what you wanted to watch. You ate when you wanted to eat and at the temperature you wanted to eat it. You slept when you felt tired and stayed up if you didn’t. You know… you were in control of your own life.
Though you’re still in control of your own life now, things are different. Your desires, motivations, and spontaneous urges don’t factor into your decision making as much as they used to. Now, you consider your children’s needs equal to or above your own in the day to day.
This is good and fine and right.
But it’s still a shock to the system.
It still takes getting used to.
You feel like your are losing your identity if:
Your daily routine is revolving around your kids
You stop finding the good-looking outfit everyday and doing your nails
You felt isolated, alone, and bored at home especially when your babies were small.
You are missing your social life with late night party and charity days
You don't get enough sleep and feel exhausted
You quit your full-time job to have more time on your kids journey
It's time to BREAK FREE, MOMS
It is okay to order food for the week instead of doing a full grocery shop.
It is also okay to feed your children chicken nuggets for dinner because you feel like you have nothing left inside to give and you just need to survive bedtime so you can watch your favorite film in bed when it's over.
It's okay to have to close your eyes as you walk out of the house so you don't see the mess.
It is also okay to take the time to clean up, to do the dishes, to vacuum, etc. while the kids occupy themselves. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do, and they need to fend for themselves ?. And a clean house makes for a clear mind. (Or at least semi-clear.)
It's okay to simultaneously want to be with your kids in the moment but to also want to be on a beach somewhere without your kids alternating between sipping a margarita and frolicking in the sand shouting things like, “I'm free! I'm free!"
It is okay to want to run for the hills once bedtime approaches, but also to be sad when you were out and missed bedtime stories and kisses. ?
It is okay to miss your 'pre-motherhood' self and the independence you often took for granted, but at the same time, to not even be able to fathom who you would be without your children. Or what you would do. Or whether it would be acceptable or not to watch Disney movies all the time if you didn't have children. (I mean...could you really live without Moana? Simple answer...no.)
It's okay to have dreams and goals that involve your family and children, and dreams and goals that are for yourself.
How moms can find their identity again
This isn’t hard or fast, but here are some general ways you can try to stay connected to who you are, not just your role.
Find new ways to connect with friends | Instead of regular nights out or coffee dates, have playdates or monthly book clubs. Instead of restaurants and movies try the park or a local playground or meet up group with other Moms.
Have a hobby : try to find a hobby you used to love and make time for it. Even if it’s something more active like yoga, hiking, try to fit it in even once a quarter. You may think it’s impossible, but if you work hard to make it happen, it will.
Here is quick Yoga flow with music to feel your flow and connect back with your soul and your identity:
Stop comparing | This is the “secret” to be happy no matter what. Even so, it’s hard not to look back and forward when times are tough. By focusing on the things that you are having, rather than compare with others.
Get help | Whether you need to hire someone, trade babysitting, beg family members, or just go to playgroups with helpers… do what you need to do. If you are a weary and overwhelmed mom, the effects will build up.
Take care of yourself | Put the baby or toddler in the crib and take a shower. If you loved clothes, get nicely dressed up. If you liked having nice hair, do your hair. Don’t neglect the things that used to bring you pride and pleasure, even if no one sees them but the baby, you’ll feel better.
You will never have a life like you did pre-motherhood, and that’s okay.
But you can slowly start to find yourself again.
A better version of yourself
Your identity isn’t lost, it’s just buried under diapers and onesies.
It's okay to be tired and wiped out and emotionally drained. The second your three-year-old grabs your hand and says, “Mom. You're a really great mom!" you know it is all okay. It's going to be okay. These moments will always be there to remind us of that. Join our FB group to share your experience about this topic, and connect with other Moms :))